Flowers Over Stress

With a little more than a week left of summer break, I’ve been having a lot of nervous energy and excitement.  I’m really looking forward to starting my graduate program.  I’m definitely ready for a new routine.  Working from eight to five every weekday has driven me a bit crazy, which has actually been a great motivation.  Now, I know I can’t ever work exclusively in an office.  I need a career that allows me to do lots of projects, that is intellectually stimulating and doesn’t involve sitting in the same spot all day.

There’s a certain level of comfort in an 8-5 office job.  It’s mundane, but it’s secure.  You don’t have to worry too much about having enough money to pay rent, because you know exactly what you’ll make.  I don’t think I could ever live happily relying only on creative pursuits…there’s not enough stability there for me.  I need to know I can pay rent.  This summer taught me that I need a balance of stability and creativity.  I can’t be an office employee, professionally.  But I would crack under the stress and pressure of trying to make a living as a freelance writer.

I’m confident I’ll be able to balance the two.  I’m confident everything will work out.  Of course, when I wasn’t offered any grants or financial aid other than loans…I did have a bit of stress and panic.  I had an image of this giant pile of loan debt crushing my future happiness.  But I really believe things will be okay.  I think that sometimes, you have to do scary things (taking out thousands and thousands of dollars in loans) in order to do the things you really want to- ie, go to graduate school so I can live a life that makes me happy instead of one trapped behind a desk.

I have no idea how I’ll end up affording anything, or paying for school…but I’m choosing not to stress about it.  Stress will only waste my time without changing the situation.  And there are such lovely flowers blooming, begging for my attention.  (Even some with my name!)

Lydia Flowers

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